Friday Market Close…

Bang bang, we are back.

It’s late December, arguably the biggest universal bender time worldwide. Well, at least the boys have been on the routine December bender these past few weeks and so have the markets. Waking up in a hungover daze 45 minutes before market close, struggling to hold down a glass of water,  watching our portfolio tear off of $CC, $VERS, and $WSR - what a time to be alive. 

However, fuck that, at last, the glorious moment has arrived. The feeling when your toes curl up after finishing up a dirty village bicycle ride after a night on the town. The smell that comes from your fingers stuck in a stinker. Rally your crew, grab some drinks, and enjoy this weekend cause it’s Friday Market Close for fuck sakes. The Santa Claus rally has been in full effect and the big man is as fat as ever. It’s time to reflect on the week's hustle and appreciate the financial rollercoaster we willingly jumped on. 

In this week's edition, we're unleashing truth bombs like a Japanese Kamikaze pilot in a world of financial chaos. Consider us your market samurai, slicing through the noise and waking up your girlfriend in the middle of the night. And yes, expect the unexpected – we're here to drop some real motherfuckin’ wisdom.

Market Indices & Commodities

Markets
The Stocks

Alphabet, Amazon, Apple, Meta, Microsoft, Nvidia, and Tesla — had climbed by 75 percent this year, as of last week, and now account for roughly 30 percent of the index’s weighted value. The other 493 companies? As a group, they are underperforming the S&P 500. Good on you if you’ve been holding those big puppies.

Crypto
Bitcoin Rally

Bitcoin is another animal that has been absolutely unleashed. As of Friday morning, she’s sitting at a pretty ugly 162 percent return on the year. This means the most annoying people in your life are about to become even more fucking annoying.

China…
China Fucks Tech Stocks… Again

Chinese tech stocks fucking plunged this morning, wiping $80 billion off the market capitalization of some of the country’s biggest companies after their dictator authorities proposed a new crackdown on online gaming. Mister Xi Jinping, the Chinese leader, intends to maintain tight-like-an-asshole ‘control of private enterprise despite recent efforts to project a more welcoming image to business.’ 

Stocks
Nike.. Yikes

Nike has been drowning like a dog this morning after a weak outlook was released. The company unveiled 2$ billion in cost cuts and warned of slowed sales, especially in China and Europe. That doesn’t sound to me like they are just doin’ it. 

Thank you 
That’s all Folks,

We love our stocks, our portfolio is looking like a big titty blonde in a red bathing suit on the beach. We hope that you are holding the same blonde bimbos close to you. 

Ask for receipts for all of your presents this weekend, so that you can buy some fuckin’ dope VHLA swag on the 28th. We are dropping a hot off-the-press banger collection of gear that will have your sister’s friends knockin’ at your door. We knew you had it in you, you bloody beauty.

Cheers to Fridays and making it through another week of financial mayhem! After such a steady market run this year, I am sure your mum is proud of you. Dig into that fat bird, pour some gravy over it, and let’s see what next week brings us. Have a jolly holiday folks.

Best, 

Matt – The Trusty Steed at VHLA