Monday Market Open

The bell’s about to clang and Wall Street’s already sweating through its Armani. Strap in, grab the nose-candy of your choice, and let’s squeeze this week for every filthy cent it’s worth.

This isn’t the time to play safe: it’s the time to get loud, get long, and get fucking rich. The suits rigged the game, but we rig it back. Front-run their lies, surf the chaos, and stack so much cash your ex starts texting again.

China Trade
CHINA AND $BABA: THE RISING DRAGON

Alibaba’s got that post-rehab glow. We’ve got whispers of a Trump-Xi meet before APEC, momentum from Chinese state media walking back anti-biz rhetoric, and now a multi-year base finally cracking to the upside.

The chart? Sexy.
The multiples? Dirt cheap.
The volume? Juicing.
And the data out of China’s been—shockingly—not dogshit.

Pair that with a global risk-on tilt and the news flow starting to tilt bullish? BABA might finally be ready to get off its knees and back on the yacht.

Crypto
ETHEREUM: THE FLIPPENING BEGINS…?

Ethereum’s been pumping like it just popped a blue chew — and if you’ve been reading VHLA, you saw it coming. We called the coil, now it’s uncoiling like a rattlesnake on meth.

People are whispering the F-word again (Flippening, not that one — although that one too).
Ratio’s climbing, spot ETF flows are juicy, and ETH’s reclaiming dominance.

Keep an eye on the ETH/BTC chart to track the breakout.

Musk
ELON’S TESLA DINER & GROK WAIFUS

The first Tesla diner just opened and it’s as deranged as you hoped: movie screens, carhop robots, and overpriced burgers shaped like Mars.

Meanwhile, Grok 4 is out and OpenAI devs are nervously peeking over the cubicle wall. Musk wrote on x that Grok 4 has got that AGI feel as it improves itself with Reinforcement Learning.

And that’s saying nothing about the new xAI Waifus Ani and Valentine which will nuke the birth rate and kickstart the population collapse Musk is so worried about.

Elon’s not trying to compete. He’s trying to own the simulation.
Between cars, burgers, and AGI? At this point, he’s building the Matrix; with a drive-thru.

Stock Exchange
24/7 TRADING? PASS THE BLOW

We’re hearing reports that NYSE, LSEG, Nasdaq, CBOE all want to extend hours or go full degenerate with 24/7 trading. Retail’s addicted, and they want their fix on weekends too.

Imagine: Dogshit penny stocks mooning at 2:14 a.m. while some guy in Nebraska eats string cheese in his underwear.

If this passes, $BLOW and $ESCOBAR better be ready tickers.
The only thing rising faster than after-hours volume? The price of Adderall and nose beers.