Welcome to Today’s Special Edition of Closed Monday Market.

We got Labour Day today so I hope you fuckers are enjoying this shit as we are now heading into a Generational Lock-In from September until December.

Alibaba just ripped +19% in Hong Kong overnight, one of its biggest single-day pumps in recent memory. This isn’t a one-off pump, we expect as sustained rally as the bigger picture setup looks filthy.

China easing liquidity + cloud/AI momentum = fresh oxygen in BABA’s lungs. If you’re not at least watching this tape, you’re asleep at the wheel.

We called this one out about a month ago to give you degenerates plenty of time to get comfy. Now, we let the winner ride.

NFL is back, which means it’s deposit season for America’s finest degenerates. DraftKings has become the unofficial bookie of retail, and every September we see the same trade: gamblers fund their accounts, traders front-run the hype.

Add to it that sports betting revenue is projected to smash records this year, and the chart looks like a spring ready to unload. Normies will blow their bankrolls on parlays, we’ll collect on the stock.

We got Lamar and the Ravens to win the Superbowl this year, what y’all think?

They’re the three best friends that anyone could have. Xi, Modi, and Putin all linked up in China to flash their middle fingers at Uncle Sam.

They’re pushing for their own “new world order,” and while it looks like posturing, the vibes are serious: more trade in yuan, more coordination against US dominance.

Normally this would cue up a Trump tariff rant, but courts just kneecapped his 1000% tariff crusade. So instead of policy, expect the usual fireworks on X. East vs. West tension heating back up is bullish for one thing: volatility.

Bad news if you’re 22–25 and just stepped off campus with a diploma: AI doesn’t like you. New data shows young workers in the most exposed jobs are seeing a 13% employment decline after controls.

It’s not that pay is dropping, it’s that hires are drying up. The places hit hardest? Roles where AI is automating, not collaborating.

Translation: the entry level ladder just lost a rung. That’s why learning stonks is the cheat code. This skill can’t be outsourced to a bot: when the job market gets cooked, trading feeds you.