Monday Market Open

Good fucking morning you sick cunts.
Today’s the last day of Q2 — and this market is still out here kicking ass, curb-stomping bears, and pissing on the graves of every dumb motherfucker who thought they “knew better.”

This is why you read VHLA. This is why you’re up big, smashing the blonde with the fake tits, while those other losers are grinding League of Legends in mom’s basement, wondering why their portfolio’s down and their balls haven’t dropped.

Now grab a coffee and some Viagra. Shake off whatever Sunday scaries are still clinging to your spine. Let’s get into this shit.

Market Indices & Commodities

Tech
AI GIANTS GOING BAND FOR BAND

Zuck just booted Sam Altman in the nuts, yanking four OpenAI brainiacs with whispers of $100 million “you’re-my-new-BFF” cheques.

Altman whined it felt like “someone broke into our house.” Bro, welcome to capitalism on hard mode. Athletes had shoe deals; AI gods get nine-figure sign-ons.

Bullish as fuck for $META. Don’t fade the Zuck when he’s in Chad-mode.

Market
BULL MARKET DASH GIVES GREEN LIGHT

Not 1. Not 2. All 8 major bull market indicators we track just hit full-chub green. First time since October 2024. Here’s the checklist:

• S&P above July 2024 high

• 200-day ripping higher for 39 straight

• RSI in bullish fuck-you mode

• Breadth thrust still active from May

• Risk-On / Risk-Off flashing straight green

• AD Line trending like it snorted Adderall

• Core Market Model pressing near YTD highs

• Global participation heating the fuck up

This is what we wait for. This is “shut up and press buy.”
Yeah, we could get slapped short-term. But structurally?
This market’s a goddamn freight train. Get on or get run the fuck over.

SPAC picks
$GSRT: NUCLEAR SPAC DEGENERACY

Boys we have another degenerate SPAC for you today. And this one’s got a beautiful meme ticker change in the pipeline. $GSRT will become $NKLR. That’s right. The deal’s live, and this bitch is going radioactive. NAV’s 10.17, trading at 10.84, so you're basically being paid to load a nuke.

The target? Terra Innovatum — a private nuclear power player with Trump’s tongue halfway up its ass. He just greenlit a fresh wave of nuclear projects, calling it “the most beautiful energy, better than solar, better than wind, the best energy… and it goes boom.”

Take a look at its market cap in comparison to its peers. Think it won’t catch a sympathy bid? You’re fucking dreaming.

News
CARNEY CUCKS, YET AGAIN

Mark “I’ll stand up to Trump” Carney just bent over again. Trump threatened tariffs, and Carney folded like a fucking IKEA chair — scrapping the Digital Services Tax with zero resistance. Embarrassing. Predictable. Oh Canada.