The Shit to Know Thursdays

The long weekend’s coming and you need to print some extra cash to pay for bottle service and strippers. Well, good fucking thing you’re subscribed to Fucked Finance.

We’re generous around here, and we believe in plotting on our homies success. So if you’re a real one, share this shit around. It’s about time for lunchtime Martinis, so sit back, take a sip, and give this a quick read.

We recently learned that one of the Market GOATs reads our newsletter, so this one’s dedicated to you, Ms. Pelosi.

Joker’s Pick
JESTER’S HIGHLIGHT: $RR

Richtech Robotics was our highlight back in late July, and patience just paid the bills: up over 50% since the callout. These setups don’t play out in a day; they build pressure until the squeeze rips faces off.

That’s the difference between chasing garbage alerts and trusting a system. The momo + microcap crowd has rediscovered $RR and it’s turned into a slot machine. Hope some of you took the ride, this is how you graduate from ramen to ribeye.

AI
NVDA: GOD MODE EARNINGS, TAPE RED

Nvidia dropped another historic quarter: ~$46B revenue, +56% y/y, with Blackwell datacenter sales carrying the torch.

The numbers were flawless, but investors got spooked by the China angle as bans on H20 sales keep casting a shadow, and the stock actually dipped on the print.

Lesson? Even titans aren’t immune to geopolitics. Nvidia remains the barometer for the entire AI trade, so if they stumble, the whole bubble feels it. But make no mistake, the money printer is still running hot inside Jensen’s house.

Federal Reserve
TRUMP VS. LISA COOK: FED CAGE MATCH

Trump just moved to fire Fed governor Lisa Cook, something no president has really attempted before. Cook fired back with a lawsuit, calling it an illegal attempt to hijack the central bank.

This isn’t some side drama; it’s a direct fight over the independence of the Fed. If Trump pushes further, it could fundamentally change how the Fed operates and who it serves.

Markets hate uncertainty, and right now, the future of monetary policy is about to be dragged into a political street brawl.

Antitrust
GOOGLE ANTITRUST: CHROME FOR SALE?

Judge Mehta’s remedies ruling in the Google antitrust case is coming down, and the DOJ wants the nuclear option: force a Chrome spinoff.

OpenAI already testified they’d buy it if it’s on the block, Perplexity lobbed a $34B bid, and other players (Yahoo, etc.) are sniffing around. Imagine if your default browser got swallowed by the same companies building the AI overlords: search, browsing, and AI all under one roof.

For Alphabet, this is existential: lose Chrome and they lose their distribution chokehold. Appeals could drag it out, but the breakup risk is real.