The Shit to Know Thursdays

Everything’s cooked. The evidence is fake, the books are cooked, and Epstein definitely didn’t delete himself without help. So? We front-run the lies, ride the waves, and stack gains like it’s our last shot at freedom.

At Fucked Finance we don’t dance around the facts. We’re here to call it how it is, fuck bitches, and get money. Share with your Friends.

Market Indices & Commodities

News
EPSTEIN COVER-UP: WHERE’S THE LIST DONNIE?

We were promised justice. We got a dead perv (he didn’t kill himself btw), a missing minute of footage, and Ghislaine doing time while the clients sip espresso in Gstaad.

Trump’s DOJ ran the Epstein shitshow: his prison, his guards, his fuckup. He talked big on “drain the swamp,” then let the pedo yacht club off scot-free. Maybe because some of them were Mar-a-Lago donors?

Giuffre said there were cameras everywhere—blackmail central. So where’s the footage? Why’s Ghislaine the only one locked up? It’s like busting the hooker and giving the john a loyalty card.

Trump could’ve dropped names. Instead, he dropped the ball. Or maybe just clutched his own while the real creeps slipped out the back. Fat L for Lil’ Donnie.

AI Wars
GROK 4: THE AI WITH THE BIGGEST SCHLONG

Elon’s Grok 4 just took first place on every leaderboard that matters, and it’s hung like a transformer with a PhD.

It crushed the MMLU-Pro, wiped the floor with Math-500, aced coding on SciCode and LiveCodeBench, and even flexed on the ARC-AGI test: doubling the last-gen best. It pulled a 41% on “Humanity’s Last Exam,” which, yes, is a real benchmark and not a Bond villain plot.

This isn't just chatbot IQ, it's AGI foreplay. And it screams one thing: WE NEED MORE COMPUTE. More GPUs, more megawatts, more data-centers puffing steam like a 1920s brothel. Bullish for our AI driven market bubble.

Metals
COPPER TARIFF - 50 SHADES OF INFLATION

Trump just slapped a 50% tariff on Chinese copper, and the metal popped like it just saw a naked Nancy Pelosi (horrifying, but undeniably erect).

Prices spiked instantly because copper’s the lifeblood of everything: EVs, solar, semis, even that janky charger cable you keep chewing on. Inflationary as hell, but great for U.S. miners.

Crypto
BITCOIN LIT UP, ETHEREUM’S NEXT

Bitcoin ripped like we told you it would—clean breakout, new highs, shorts in shambles.

But the real trade now is Ethereum. It’s coiled up and ready to snap viciously to the upside. The ETH/BTC ratio just bottomed, volume’s surging, and the ETF hype cycle is reloading.

BTC already came. ETH’s still edging. Get in before it explodes all over your resistance lines.