The Shit to Know Thursdays

You feel that? Markets boiling, headlines flying, money moving faster than the sheep can blink. This isn’t the time to play cute — it’s where legends separate from exit liquidity.

You read Fucked Finance to stay ahead. Everyone else reads the news.

Let’s get to it.

Fed
WARSH CONFIRMED FED CHAIRMAN

Kevin Warsh is officially the new Fed daddy. Confirmed Wednesday in the closest Fed Chair vote ever, Warsh replaces our beloved Friendly Pumper Powell and walks into the job screaming about “regime change” like he’s trying to turn the Federal Reserve into a private equity turnaround story.

The market heard “lower rates” and immediately started humping the leg of every risk asset in sight. But here’s the problem: inflation is still acting like a drunk uncle at Thanksgiving, especially with energy prices elevated. Warsh wants to cut, but crude keeps breathing hot garbage into the CPI machine.

His first FOMC meeting is June 16–17. The market is about to spend the next month pricing in rate-cut cocaine while pretending inflation doesn’t exist.

World News
MARKETS LOVE THE TRUMP-XI MEETING:

Trump and Xi sat down for a 2-hour, 15-minute opening session at the Great Hall of the People, and markets immediately started acting like world peace just got delivered by DoorDash. The official language was all “constructive relationship” and “strategic stability,” which is diplomat-speak for: nobody threw a chair yet.

But don’t get cute. Xi still warned Trump that Taiwan is the loaded gun on the table. Mishandle it, and the relationship goes from “state banquet” to “global margin call” real fast. Still, the market only cared about the good stuff:

• Hormuz must stay open

• Iran can’t have a nuke

• Second round of meetings set for Friday

• U.S. clears H200 chip sales to 10 Chinese tech firms

That last one is the real juice. AI bulls saw “H200 to China” and immediately started foaming at the mouth like NVDA just got blessed by the Pope of Semiconductors. Markets are loving the visit because they don’t need peace.They just need enough fake stability to keep buying calls like degenerates with daddy issues.

CMPS
VHLA SELECT: COMPASS PATHWAYS

Compass Pathways ripped nearly 8% premarket after dropping Q1 results that beat expectations and showing regulatory progress for COMP360, its psilocybin-based depression treatment. The mushroom trade is waking back up.

This fits perfectly with the Ibogaine announcement Trump made with Joe Rogan a little while ago. Once the government starts sniffing around psychedelics like they’re the next mental health miracle drug, the whole basket starts getting bid. CMPS is now freshly broken out of a bull flag, which means traders are going to stare at the chart and say, “Yeah, this thing looks illegal in a good way.”

Watch this name. Psychedelics are turning from “stoner science project” into “policy-backed medical optionality.” That’s when the degenerates start showing up with leverage and no emotional regulation.

FCEL
FUELCELL ENERGY IS BABY BLOOM

FuelCell Energy is trying to crawl out of the penny-stock swamp wearing a Bloom Energy costume. The stock is up 20.1% as investors chase anything that can whisper “AI data center power demand” into the market’s ear. The company’s business pipeline is reportedly up 275%, and it just launched a 12.5-megawatt fuel cell platform aimed at large data centers.

That is the magic phrase right now: Power for AI data centers. Say it three times in front of a Bloomberg terminal and some fund manager will buy your garbage before checking the balance sheet. We think FCEL has a real shot at catching the same sympathy fire Bloom Energy already rode. Is FCEL Bloom? No.

Is that going to stop traders from pretending it is for a few sessions? Absolutely fucking not. Sympathy plays are the market’s favorite drug right now. Bloom ran, power names got hot, and now every small-cap energy bastard with a data center angle is lining up for its turn at the dopamine buffet. FCEL is baby Bloom. And baby Bloom wants uppies.